aku mau "dia"

aku mau dia... dia yang akan berkata begini kepadaku...

Kau boleh acuhkan diriku
Dan anggap ku tak ada
Tapi takkan merubah perasaanku
Kepadamu

Kuyakin pasti suatu saat
Semua kan terjadi
Kau kan mencintaiku
Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu
Apapun terjadi
Kujanjikan aku ada

Kau boleh jauhi diriku
Namun kupercaya
Kau kan mencintaiku
Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Aku yang rela terluka
Untuk masa lalu

good fences make good neighbors ... ?

Mending Wall
by Robert Frost
Something there is that doesn't love a wall, That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it, And spills the upper boulders in the sun; And makes gaps even two can pass abreast. The work of hunters is another thing: I have come after them and made repair Where they have left not one stone on a stone, But they would have the rabbit out of hiding, To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean, No one has seen them made or heard them made, But at spring mending-time we find them there. I let my neighbor know beyond the hill; And on a day we meet to walk the line And set the wall between us once again. We keep the wall between us as we go. To each the boulders that have fallen to each. And some are loaves and some so nearly balls We have to use a spell to make them balance: 'Stay where you are until our backs are turned!' We wear our fingers rough with handling them. Oh, just another kind of outdoor game, One on a side. It comes to little more: There where it is we do not need the wall: He is all pine and I am apple orchard. My apple trees will never get across And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him. He only says, 'Good fences make good neighbors.' Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder If I could put a notion in his head: 'Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it Where there are cows? But here there are no cows. Before I built a wall I'd ask to know What I was walling in or walling out, And to whom I was like to give offense. Something there is that doesn't love a wall, That wants it down.' I could say 'Elves' to him, But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather He said it for himself. I see him there Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed. He moves in darkness as it seems to me, Not of woods only and the shade of trees. He will not go behind his father's saying, And he likes having thought of it so well He says again, 'Good fences make good neighbors.'

berangan dan dapatkannya ...

The Secret - you must visualize whatever you dream of
then only you'll get what you want ...

walaupun jah ni seorang yang polos dan bosan dan tak menarik langsung
jah tetap ada impian
macam orang lain

jah nak:
1. duit banyak - boleh shopping novel, baju dan barang-barang
2. pergi bercuti lagi
3. berteman - teman hidup (tapi susah nak dapat sebab jah seorang yang bosan - tak ada orang nak dekat)

jadi
mulai sekarang
jah kena selalu bayangkan

1. dalam wallet jah ada banyak not rm50, dalam akaun bank ade amaun berjumlah 6 angka
2. jah berada di lokasi percutian yang jah idamkan
3. ada seseorang yang sentiasa telefon, jumpa dan ambil berat pasal jah

mungkin orang sekeliling akan kata jah tak betul

bosan...

dah lama jah sedari hakikat ni
tiap-tiap hari jah buat "self reflection"
malam bila nak tidur
jah fikir apa yang dah buat sepanjang hari

pagi bangun 5.30
mandi, solat , sarapan
8 pagi masuk kerja
masuk kelas, mengajar, diusik students, marah students, gelak-gelak dengan students,
masak unit, buat kerja sambil sembang dan berbincang,
gelak-gelak dengan colleagues
tengahari atau petang
punch out
bawa balik sikit kerja
untuk buat di rumah

sampai umah
makan, mandi , solat
tidur sementara tunggu asar,
bangun
solat
siram pokok bunga
kacau anak jiran

maghrib
mandi, solat, mengaji
dengar berita (tv tu hanya hitam putih, sangat tak menarik)
solat isyak
baca novel atau buat kerja yang dibawa balik
tidur

- tiada sembang dengan boyfriend (sebab memang tak ada)
- tiada cakap-cakap dengan orang lain
- hobi yang bosan (berkebun dan membaca novel)

so, setiap hari jah mesti dapat kesimpulan
jah ni seorang yang bosan

Live life to the fullest - kata orang
tapi jah
tetap macam ni

kebunku - selepas raya haji...

Pokok Hati - Hati (Bayam - menurut en umah depan)

Ahli baru di kebunku
- tiga batang pokok Ros dan Bunga Raya (diimport khas dari T'ganu) -
tak tahu la berjaya hidup atau tak. I will survive!!!!

kebunku - sebelum raya haji..

Ros Jepun purple yang belum kembang sepenuhnya

Pucuk anak kunyit yang berjaya tumbuh walaupun dicampak

Ros Jepun

Ros jepun lagi...

is this pink or purple?

Cabai 1

Ade pucuk anak kunyit di tengah-tengah rumput ini...

Pucuk bawang - tak tahu nak tumbuh atau tidak

Kunyit A, Kunyit B dan Kunyit C

Halia

Halia lagi...
Kunyit Ichi, Ni, San, Yon, Go, Roku...

2008 resolutions... a glimpse of achievement

i need to change
nearly coming to new year 1430H
n 2009M

i had some 2008 resolutions right before 2007 ended

the resolutions are:

1. to get a stable, permanent and secured job - done

Alhamdulillah, after a number of applications, interviews, tests n etc, i was offered job as English teacher at Kolej MARA Kuala Nerang. i accepted it and now here i am.

2. to buy something for myself - done
Yes, i've bought something; laptop, novels, shoes, handbags (i'm crazy bout handbags now ;p).
i even bought a car - By, luv ya ;-)

3. to eat whatever i like without thinking bout the cost - done
i also got to eat whatever i like and crave for as i have my own money from my hard work. it may sound like a usual thing for others to eat at McD, KFC, sushi etc without thinking bout the cost, but for me, when i was a student, i couldn't do that.
i need to think a lot before buying such food as it costs bout a week lunch at eateries in the college. in addition, i also need to buy books and pay for photocopies, this, and that.

3. to go holiday - done
my dream is to go to Japan, Austria or Holland.
i want to touch the snow, to hold tulips and to eat great sweet chocolates.
but i can't afford that.

so
i create another affordable dream
i want to go to Cameron Highlands
to breathe in fresh cold air and feast my eyes with blooming roses and greenery of tea and veggie plantations.
*i went there when i was in school - but it just a short trip and i didn't bring a lot of money.
*i went there with my family during a public holiday - but we didn't make it to the top, traffic congestion

so, i tell myself that
no matter what
i want to go there again, this year, 2008

the chance came
it was after presented a paper at a conference in USM last october
my sisters, Kak Ju and Kak Na, planned to go to Taiping, to visit the zoo and the lake garden
they brought me and my lil sister, padi
on the way
i asked them
what are other great places in Taiping?
how far it is from Taiping to Cameron?

they discussed
and without telling us,
they didn't go into the exit to Taiping
instead continue to Simpang Pulai exit!

Alhamdulillah ;)

the air was cold
the temperature is 16celcius degree
they said it was the coldest they've ever experienced - they've been there a lot of times
we managed to check in at a hotel although there were too many visitors at that time
we went to Pasar Malam Brinchang
we bought strawberry slippers, strawberry scrunchy, strawberry pouch, strawberry this and that
thanks to kak Ju and Kak Na - sponsors of the shopping



4. to love and to be loved by someone - not sure
i may have or have not achieved this resolution.
i was in a relationship with a guy who accepted me as who i am and i also accepted him as who he is.
my friends said that we look good together.
however, before i actually told him that i love him,
he confessed his real status - a divorcee with 3 cute lil angels. just at the right time.
so, i just continue to be his friend.

for the time being
there are 2 guys who continuously call and sms me
there is 1 guy whom i meet and talk almost every day

the first guy
- was my secondary school junior
- a student of degree in electrical engineering
- good looking, caring and tender but 3 years younger than me
- it has been three years since i know him - i accidentally know him through Yahoo Messenger
- he's getting more loving day by day - he always calls and sms
- he says that he loves me - but i don't want to believe it as he might just playing around (well, he is young and cute, it is impossible that he doesn't have any girlfriend yet)
- in addition, i haven't meet him

the second guy
- an e-friend of padi
- a government servant
- not very good looking but macho, nice and gentleman - 27 years old
- i know him for about three months
- haven't confessed his real feelings towards me
- we talk and discuss through phone calls and sms
- sometimes he didn't reply my sms - i did so to him too
- i've meet him once

the third guy
- a guy next door - he stays at her aunt's which is in front of my house :-)
- a diploma holder - working temporarily to continue his study in degree
- good looking, nice and caring - 2 years younger than me
- i saw him since the day i moved in - bout 9 months- but i just got to know him for bout 4 months
- he always waits for me to arrive home after work ( it might be just my feeling - but he always stands in front of her aunt's house and looks at the road and suddenly smiling when he sees my car drives in the street)
- he was quite my hero - he gave a hand when there was black out at my house
- we got to know more bout each other when i taught him bout MUET
- for the time being, he visits and talks to me whenever i tend to my little garden ;-) in the evening
- i don't have his phone number though

therefore,
i just live my life as usual
continue having the three of them as part of my life through chatting, talking, sms-ing
evaluating and assessing the compatibility to be life partner (if and only if they feel the same way towards me too)

and also still searching and finding the soulmate
the one who can really accept me as who i am
and i can also accept him as who he is ;-)

jam-jam terakhir di kampung... huhuhuhu

sekarang dah 4.20p.m.
lebih kurang 5 jam dari sekarang
jah akan naik bas
pulang ke kedah
untuk menyambung tugas
setelah 6 hari bercuti
meraikan aidiladha
di kampung

huhuhuhu

tak nak balik
lambat lagi pulak
nak balik kampung


di kampung:

duit habis pergi shopping sana sini

badan makin chubby - diet dilupakan terus

jerawat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sekian lama muka jah licin tanpa jerawat

tapi
tiba-tiba
penuh jerawat :
atas hidung
bawah dagu
pipi kanan
atas dahi
pipi kiri
bawah bibir

my bad day... ;(

Hari ni
hari kurang bernasib baik
Jah sakit perut
Huhuhuhu
Tak tahu kenape

Mungkin sebab
jah makan
sup ayam yang dah 2 hari usianya
tapi jah selalu reheat
ntahla
dah nasib

pagi sebelum pegi kerja
jah masak spaghetti (tak best pun  )
kesian kawan-kawan jah
pasni memang jah dah surrender
tak nak masak lagi

jah pening kepala
mungkin sebab spaghetti tu muak sangat
perut pun sakit jugak
memulas

1.30 punch out
Tak larat nak pegi lunch
Selera pun takde
Sakit kepala

Indicator tangki minyak berkelip-kelip
Jah baru plan nak g isi minyak petang ni
Nampaknye kena trus pegi isi la ni

Jah pecut je
Sepanjang jalan dari kolej ke Shell Pokok Sena
Malas nak ke Shell Kuala Nerang

Di pertengahan jalan
Jumpa pulak kereta slow
Yang selalu brek tak tentu pasal
Tensi!
Berjaya overtake kt ladang getah

Sampai shell
Trus cakap nk isi rm70
Jah budget elok-elok a tu full tank
Sebab jah biasa tinggal 2 bar pun jah isi rm60
Jah tak pernah tunggu sampai indicator menyala macam hari ni

Tengah duk pegang nozzle tu
Kepala masih pening
Perut masih sakit
Tengok je meter minyak tu bergerak

Sekali
Minyak dah melimpah keluar
Habis kena kereta n baju jah
Terus jah tarik nozzle n letak balik kat pam
Tutup tangki
Ambil air
Siram kereta n jah sekali
Basah kuyup
Alhamdulillah, selamat

Luckily, I’ve turned off the engine
Luckily, there was no one smoking nearby
Otherwise I might be burnt alive
Otherwise there would be somebody else writing an entry for me in this blog…

Hasil air tangan dan keringat ku... ;-)

Pokok bunga jepun - tapi ni version x kembang

Pucuk anak-anak kunyit

Kakak dan abang kunyit dan pokok bayam - kata encik umah depan

kunyit - kunyit dan bayam

Serumpun daripada tiga rumpun serai yang rimbun

saya dan bercucuk tanam...

cabai 1

cabai 2

yup
ini hobi jaja sejak tinggal di kedah
sebenarnya hobi sejak duduk berseorangan di rumah sewa

mulanye
jah cuma campak n baling biji lada jarum a.k.a cabai a.k.a cili padi
skali tumbuh
di celah-celah rumput

tanah kat situ pulak
snagt subur
sat je
dah naik rumput panjang
jadi asyik kena mesin

mula-mula dulu
jah cangkul sendiri gak'
tapi x larat a
jiran, k.alawiyah, cakap
tak payah susah-susah fizah
upah mesin je

lagipun jah ni bukannya pekebun sepenuh masa

so
sekarang ni
cabai tu dah tumbuh tinggi
dah membesar
walaupun jah kadang-kadang lupa nak siram
nak jaga

Alhamdulillah, i'm grateful, i have a job

it is bout 6.30 p.m.
tis time for my free time activity - gardening





then
i got an sms
from my childhood friend,
she is a good friend of mine
my best friend when i was in primary school

she's a very bright student
the best student for PMR and SPM at her school
she was a graduate from IIUM
she graduated a year earlier than me

but now,
she is still doing the job hunting
searching for the best permanent secured vocation
she sms-ed me, asking about any job offer
her contract at the company she is working now is going to end
i promised her to survey about any job ad

hopefully i'll find one
thus
my friend will get a better job
she deserves it
she is so bright
she is so kind
she is so nice

this makes me realise
how lucky i am
to have a great secured job
"i'll do the best in working", i told myself

p/s: if you heard any job offer in field of economics and accountancy, do leave a comment. thanx a bunch ;-)

it is saturday, n it is working day.

today is saturday
yet i'm at the office working
-teaching to be specific-
although it is actually weekend here in Kedah
but then as we would like to have longer holiday for Raya Haji
here we are
replacing the holi-day

i feel so bored, stressed, tensed
of this situation
work,work,work
am i a kind of that busy career lady?

picnic time!

rendam kaki dalam air selepas dicium pacat

laluan mencabar dan licin..
wah, nak kena daki lagi 3 km! kurusla jah
en kamal, abg awi, k.tiya, en hzua, jah n k.nurul

last friday, 21st of nov,
jah n friends of kmkn went for a picnic at titi hayun, yan
the waterfall is nice
we went up quite far to get to it
the route was slippery and quite dangerous
plus there were leeches
kissing our legs...

Puan Hafizah? not yet, i'm still Miss Jaja

ade orang cakap jah ni macam orang dah kahwin
masih muda
tapi kelihatan seperti orang dah kahwin
kalau dikira-kira
ade a dalam 10 orang dah cakap macam tu

lagi kronik
jah dapat surat panggilan meeting bertulis Puan Hafizah
huhuhuhu
saya masih single, boyfriend pun belum ada
kalau orang asek cakap macam ni
jatuhla saham jah
macam mana orang nak dekat ngan jah ;-(

jah pun risik-risik
try to find out the real cause of their interpretation
rupanye
mereka cakap jah ni nampak macam orang dah kahwin sebab:
1.jah sangat serius - jarang tersenyum (that's the real me with strangers)
2.badan berisi macam orang dah ade anak
3.dressing yang boring macam makcik2
4.gaya macam bini orang yang duk pikir laki n anak kat umah nak makan apa - tak gedik macam anak dara lain

jadi
apa solution?
my best friends in kmkn a.k.a my lovely colleagues ; k.nurul, miss j, manja, k.tiya n moe
pun terus bagi nasihat:
1.senyum n sentiasa ceria
2.cuba diet sikit - walapun manja cakap jah dah cantik n comel macam ni
3.ubah dressing - bergaya n meletop sikit
4.nak kena gedik? no way, that's not me. diorang cakap just be yourself

raya di sawah orang...

najah, manja, jaja n hazuar
puan manja n miss jaja
yeay, raya di sawah orang!
sejuk ni!
kami di antara dua sawah...
aku nak g sana la!
hijau sawah padi ...

satu hari di hari raya...

bersama my second younger sister, nae
nae lagi..
my youngest sister padi and nae
me with my youngest sister, padi
again with padi
i treat them at secret recipe...
padi with her chicken cordon bleu
padi and her chocolate indulgence
nae, in front her is my chocolate shake ape ntah kenama die....