assalamualaikum and good morning,
It has been nearly 3 years since my last posting.
I Think I need to write again in order to keep my sanity.
Today, this morning, I nearly lost my temper to Aisyah, my eldest.
She refused to wake up, complaining of sleepy, did not want to go to school.
Throwing tantrum. I just let her be.
But my patient has limit.
When she kicked Naufal's head in the middle of her tantrum, I shouted.
I could feel the blood rushed to my face, my head was hot.
I nearly slapped her face, instead I slapped her leg.
Naufal cried out loud.
Afiqah also cried as she was afraid of what was happening.
At that moment, I just hugged Naufal and calmed him down.
I asked Aisyah whether she loves Naufal or not but she just cried.
It was 7.40 am. I was having class at 8 am.
And Naufal just soiled his diaper, perhaps he was so shocked of the incident.
I texted my students telling them I was going to be late.
I changed Naufal's diaper.
Loading all the bags in the car.
Put Naufal in the car seat, Afiqah was next.
She had changed her school uniform to casual t-shirt and pant, saying that she was not going to school too.
I carried Aisyah who was hiding behind the cupboard and still crying.
Put her on the back seat.
Locked the door and the gate, dropped them at the baby sitter's house.
I did not kiss goodbye to Aisyah. Let her be
I'm tired.
Overwhelmed.
Naufal has been sick of cough and flu and fever since Saturday.
I did not get enough rest.
I do not know who to talk to.
My other half would just say, this is the responsibility of a mother.
Our mothers had faced the same too while raising us up.
Perhaps,
I'm not fit to be a mother in the sense of raising them up.
Some might say I should be thankful as Allah has blessed me with three beautiful kids while others are still trying to conceive.
Yes, i'm grateful for the kids.
Perhaps,
they are just unlucky to have me as their mother.
Sometimes I feel it is easier for me to teach a class of 40 students as I can achieve the teaching and learning objective.
Ironically, it is so difficult to achieve certain goals with these three kids (Aisyah is the most difficult to handle)
